Sunday, December 30, 2007

Blur........

Blur....... that describes what this past week has been. The holidays and visiting family was great, except for the throwing up part. I don't remember much of Christmas Day because I was to busy hugging the toilet. Thank God it only lasted 24 hours. My wonderful husband took care of the kids, while my mom helped take care of me. Then Madison got it, then Laney. We are hoping and praying that Morgan and Ralph remain throw up free!
Ralph and I then came home to boxes - we are boxing up our life here in Leesburg. Our lives are neatly packed and taped up. Adventure is around the corner, or at least that is what I am telling myself. I have stayed so busy packing the past few days that I have not allowed myself too much time to think. Today, I had time to think. This evening I am not in a good place. Right decisions, right moves, right choices do not always equal easy. This is hard. It's ok, but it's hard.
I wish today had been a blur.....maybe then I would not be in such a funk.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Emotions

Well, I will admit the last few days have been hard. I am so ready for this move, but I was not prepared for the grieving I will have to go through. Saying goodbye on Sunday to people we were just getting to know was more difficult than I imagined. I kept saying "I am good at leaving, not saying goodbye."
So, there are a thousand thoughts and a thousand emotions steam rolling through my head. I am so happy to be moving back to Florida. In the same breath I am so sad to be leaving Georgia. It hit me today that there will be a grieving process with this move, thanks to a conversation with a dear friend. She is so wise and encouraging, even when she has a more unbearable grief to bear right now. I guess for me, the conversations with her is what I will miss most.
Wow, okay, I have to stop now the floodgate is opening.....

Monday, December 10, 2007

Change

One of the things that I am certain about in my life is change. Ralph has taught me so much on how to handle change with courage and strength. And being married to him, I am fairly confident our life will be full of many changes.
We are about to embark on a big change for us. We will be moving the first of January to Florida. Back to our home town. This move is one that we have thought about for a while, but now it's the right time and with the right job. Our whole family is excited, to be near extended family and in the country. We are also sad. Sad for the people that we have become close to here, and the friendships that have developed.
I told our girls that it was ok to feel both, happy and sad. When we told them they all started crying and then laughing. I am sure as the weeks go on, and the move actually happens, they will feel many emotions. Then they will get settled into our new home and new schools and new church. Then the change won't seem to have been that hard. Until time for the next change....

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Blown Away

This weekend I had the privilege of taking my two oldest daughter to Ballet Theater South's production of "Peter Pan". For those who know me well, you know that ballet is not quite my cup of tea. I would much rather sit through a college football game or any type of baseball game. My girls wanted to go and I wanted to go and support a wonderful family that was very involved in the production.
This family is special in so many ways to me and my family. Their oldest daughter died in October, very unexpectedly. She was to have been a "Lost Boy" in this production. Then their next oldest daughter Emma was in it, as the"Sad Little Indian".
This is the part where I was totally blown away. Emma totally blew me away with the way she was able smile and do her part through out the WHOLE production. I cannot fathom what emotions or thoughts could have been going through her mind knowing her sister and best friend was supposed to be on stage also. I don't know if she got all the dance steps right, or cues. I do know that she had a beautiful expression the whole time she was on stage. She radiated.
Thank you Emma for reminding me to smile.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Something Nice





My mom always told me, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."
So the way I feel today, I am not going to say anything. I am going to show what is nice in my life, and what I love the most.

Monday, November 26, 2007

Monday Morning Blahs

Well, it's Monday morning and I am having a bad case of the blah's. Ralph has gone back to work after 4 days of being home and us being together as a family. Madison and Laney have returned to school after a whole week of being out. Morgan is not feeling well and not operating at 100%. Blah, blah, blah. It's cloudy, but not raining yet.
I miss having all of my family here! Yes, sometimes it gets hectic and we get on one another's nerves when we are cooped up in the house. But I really enjoy having my family around me. I enjoy the conversation. I love working on projects - together. I am looking forward to the Christmas break. I realize that may put me in the minority of mothers, but I am not normal. Something my husband likes to remind me of.
My 2 school girls actually told me bye and they loved me this morning as they were getting out of the van to head to school. That is something I usually have to say first then they respond - grudgingly. I think that they will miss being at home today, whether they will admit that will be a whole other story.

Friday, November 23, 2007

Stories

Stories have always been an important part of my life. I have always loved to read. The first book I remember reading was a book about Pocohontas. Laura Ingalls Wilder was one of my favorite authors as a child. I love to read other's life journeys.
Now that I am older I am appreciating other's life experiences. Everyone has a story to share, whether it be a grand adventure, a sweeping love story, or even a tragic tale.
I had a chance today to share a pretty painful part of my life with someone who had heard of some things I had dealt with before. I am realizing that I used to let pain define me, but I am becoming more and more aware that pain allows me opportunities to share. Hurt has refined me. Letting go has freed me. Listening to others offers me the opportunity stop - in this all busy world. Listening to others lets me hear the story God is weaving in their lives, and maybe that is the miracle I am searching for........

Thanksgiving

Well, Thanksgiving Day is over and we had a relaxing day of eating and hanging out. My wonderful husband did a great job on the turkey - yes, he did the turkey. My girls were able to express what they were thankful for, and it was cool the hear in their own words what they were thinking of. We ate on our "good"china, which they were so excited for. I don't know why we don't use it more often?
Our youngest has started asking questions yesterday, about asking Jesus into her heart. Wow, she is 4 (almost 5) and she sees that her sisters have made the decision, and she wants to be a part of what they have. My prayer is that we are able to answer her questions in a way that draws her nearer. I am thankful for my kids and that they are searching.

Thursday, November 8, 2007

Totally Random Thoughts....

Ok, here is what is rattling through my tired brain, and it's just barely 8:00PM.

- Why does it take a death for me to realize how important just sitting and talking with a good friend is? I have struggled before with just stopping, stopping to enjoy the little things in life. Like my child wanting to play a game, or my husband needing me to stop what I was doing and just listen. I am realizing I miss so much when I ignore the small things.

- Coffee and conversation are such a soul soothing mix.

- If I had a way to bottle all of my girls energy I would be a very rich woman!

- I have been reminded in the last couple of days of the statement "When life hands you lemons, make lemonade." Ralph, do you need a pitcher and some sugar? :)

Ok, that is enough totally random stuff. My goal is to try and post something everyday. We will see how long that lasts!

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Things don't always work out...

Things don't always work out the way you have planned. That's the thing I am learning on this journey called life. I always have in my mind the way I know it should work out, or at least how I THINK it should work out.
There is another disappoint that has happened today, but in the scheme of things is it really worth getting upset about? I had the conversation with my ever patient husband the other day on why even pray. God already knows my heart, He knows what I want, He made me for goodness sake. Ralph reminded me - it's the realtionship. God wants me to talk to Him, just like I want my children to talk to me. Yes, I know what my children want, but many times I require that they ask me before I give it to them.
There is so much running through my head this afternoon, lots of questions. I am choosing to trust God, and that He knows the plans He has for me and my family.